Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Trusting in Him

I absolutely love opening the mail and finding more verses! I truly cannot tell you how encouraging it is...and how blessed I feel to have friends who are thinking, praying, and loving on us! Tomorrow I am going to spend my quiet time reading through the verses...oh I cannot wait! Thank you for taking the time to do this!

Today I read that "joy may seem to pause as grief takes its course, but those who broken hearts are bound by Him will experience it again." (Beth Moore) This is just what I needed to hear. The past two days have been pretty good. I have not cried near as much and have really enjoyed spending time with my sis and friends. Everything just seems to come in waves. I guess this is normal. My good is still not near as good as I would like it to be...but I have faith that we will get there one day...just as Beth said, we will experience joy again. It is just so hard to imagine that right now. There is such an enormous whole in my my spirit...and at times it feels unhealable. And while I have been feeling good, I feel so lost at the same time. I guess I am such a planner I don't know where we are going or what our future holds. If you asked me what my life would be like before all of this, I would have told you that I planned to have a couple of children and that I wanted to stay home and raise them. Now, I don't know what we will have or what I will do. I am living one day at a time...and am not sure what to look forward to. I am so aware that there are no guarantees, that I am not in control...of anything, and that I cannot plan my future. I am realizing more everyday how much I have to give to God. How much I just have to trust Him. I am trying to learn to be ok with the uncertainty...this is definitely something I struggle with. I am trying so hard to just give everything to God...and to TOTALLY trust Him. I wish it was half as easy as it sounds.

"Surely God is my Salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation."
Isaiah 12:2

1 comment:

  1. jessica,
    i loved reading your post today. like you, i am a planner as well! although i am not going through what you are going through, i feel like God has used your words to speak to me and to reaffirm me that i have to let you said, it is easier said then done. it is something i have to practice multiple times a day...just let go and let God (i keep reminding myself of this). you continue to be in my prayers.
    julie mckinney scarborough