Friday, March 2, 2012

11 months

i can't believe my little girl is 11 months...almost 12! she amazes me daily and is a constant reminder of God's grace. there are truly not words to express my gratitude for such a blessing. it has been through wyatt's short life that i have truly learned that our children are gifts from above. they are not ours, but blessings we have been giving the great pleasure and privilege of raising to know, love, and serve an awesome God. and i pray these things for my sweet girl. i am amazed at how fast this year has passed. wyatt's first year and year and a half since have flown by in some ways and lingered in others. i miss him dearly. my heart has been so tender for him lately. there will always be a 'sacred ache' for him and heaven.

as i was driving home the other night from spending some time with a dear friend i was listening to the radio (which i ALWAYS do). i missed most of the woman's story on the broadcast but as i listened she spoke of her life...of her child hood and of something she referred to as a sacred ache. my life does not parallel hers in many ways, but as she spoke of this pain i knew we had much more in common than i had first thought. and while her sacred ache had roots much different than my own, i knew the pain she was referring to. that deep ache that reminds us that we are not home. for me, that is the loss of wyatt. this feeling of displacement has been ever so present and pressing since his death. it's a feeling of sadness, loneliness, and insecurity at times and then a feeling of hope, fulfillment, and longing at others. i truly believe that we all have this sacred ache. it may not have surfaced in full force or it may be caused by something more trivial than death or loss. but as believers, we know we are not home. that this is not our destiny. before wyatt's death i knew this...but it was not pressing enough for me to acknowledge. these days, there is no denying it. and while i wish more than anything in the world that he was here safe in my arms, i am thankful for this sacred ache that calls me home. daily. this sacred ache that reminds me this life is not my own. ours days here with our loved ones are precious and priceless. having said this, we do not live a life 'doing' everything we can as if it is our last...we live a life loving our Father knowing our firsts are about to come.

i am so thankful for our two children and for all God uses them to continue to teach us. i am thankful to have my little girl safe in my arms. for the way she smiles and laughs. for her curiosity and sweet spirit. she is such a gift.

sweet kisses... very wet sweet kisses :)