Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I am reading a couple books right now...one is called Praying God's Word Day By Day by Beth Moore. A super dear friend gave it to me. Anyways, today I read that "If God has allowed something difficult to happen to one of His children, He plans to use it mightily, if the child lets Him." What a comforting thought! So remember this when something difficult happens in your life. I truly hope to be aware and let God use this situation mightily.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Today has been a sweet day...a very busy day, but a day that has been full of moments of pure sweetness. I had several shoots today...I usually try to spread them out a little, but today I did not. So I am worn out. But, I have to say I was very happy to be outside today...it was beautiful. One of the little boys that I was taking pictures of told his mom that he prays for us every Sunday in Sunday School...I have had several sessions with their family and it just filled me with joy. His name is Wyatt as well...so we all know how special he is :) How sweet of a child to remember us in their prayers!
And on top of that, a friend just brought this mini cake over...isn't that sweet?! How special! I shed tears of joy! How sweet of a friend to be thinking of us and Wyatt on this day. He is so loved!
I have been thinking a lot about today...how Wyatt has been in Heaven for 2 months now. It is just amazing. I wonder where these last few months have gone. I remember all to well the night that Jesus welcomed Wyatt home. I remember praying and begging to God on our knees. Pleading for Him to carry him through one more surgery. I remember thinking everything was ok and that our lil' man had fought through yet another procedure...only to be told moments later that his sweet little body gave in. Those moments will haunt me forever.
I think days like today are similar to mile markers on a long journey. You certainly notice them, but they are small in comparison to the journey ahead. The further you get from home the more homesick you get. You are excited and anxious about your destination point, but know you are so very far from getting there. I certainly notice these mile markers, but know we are so far from our destination. And yes, I get more homesick day by day. Homesick for my son and for Heaven. And while I know we will get there one day, I am anxious and tired of the travel. I just have to keep "playing" the games and keeping myself busy along the way. I have to try to make the time pass a little faster.
I know that God was perfectly able to save Wyatt and pull him through...but He chose not to bring healing to Wyatt on this Earth. This does not anger me...Yes, I am heart broken, but not angry. I know deep down that God has a plan and He will be glorified through our sufferings.
So...Happy Two Months in Heaven my precious little boy! I love you!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Today I received the first verses for my canvas...what a sweet happiness they brought me! Thank you! I am going to keep them there...by Wyatt's sweet hands until it is time to put the canvas together.
Today has been a rather tough day. A day I cannot seem to catch my breathe. My body aches from the tears I have cried. They seem to pour like rain today. Strong and steady. Tomorrow Wyatt will have been in Heaven with our Father for two months. I feel as though he just left me. My heart aches so deeply for him.
Today I will have to draw strength from our Father. For I cannot carry this load alone.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Yet I am poor and needy;
come quickly to me, O God.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O Lord, do not delay.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
"For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones." Psalm 37:28
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
"I'll lend you for a while a child of mine," He said.
"I cannot promise he will stay; since all from earth return,
"I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!”
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
My Bible study tonight was on experiencing God's peace...how appropriate once more. I feel as though Ryan and I have certainly been blessed with God's peace these past few months. I know that the hurt is real, but I also know that if we completely surrender to Christ's authority and put our trust in Him, we will receive His peace. As I think and process all that we have been through I wonder how we have made it. I know we would never have made this journey so far had God not been close. The circumstances have been unpleasant, but we have never felt alone or abandoned. We have had such peace. Enough peace to carry us through, but also enough peace to enjoy our time with our precious son. What a gift! So, I have full confidence that while God carried us through those difficult days, He will continue to do so in the days to come. He will never leave us. What a wonderful God!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
If you are curious about how we are doing, we are surviving. I can't think of a better way to put it. Life is hard right now. I will not lie. There are days that I feel as though I cannot catch my breath. That just living takes everything out of me. Then there are days, when I feel a little lighter and make it through the day with an occasional smile or laugh. And while the ok or lighter days are few and far between, I suspect that there will be more of those days and less of the unbearable days in time. I think that many people think that with time we are healing and "getting better." And I so desperately wish I could say we are. However, as time passes, the pain seems to deepen. The shock is slowly wearing off. Everyday we have to wake up and face another day without our precious son. This is something we never could have prepared ourselves for. Each day we are reminded that not only is Wyatt not here, he is not coming back. We constantly think of what we would/should be doing with him at that very moment. There is so much grief for not having him here, but also for the things we will never get to do with him. Oh how we would love to see him smile, hear him say his first word, watch him play in the yard, make friends, etc. What I would give to have him in my arms again. There is such an emotional and physical pain. I want so badly to feel the weight of his tiny little body to whisper in his ear and tell him how much I love him. I want to know that he hears me and that he knows how much he means to us.
So, as our friends, please know that while we need to be handled with care, we do need you...we need you to hold our hands at times, we need you to listen to us, to be with us, and at times to laugh and smile with us. We simply need you. Thank you for being here.