As Christmas approaches, I know Ryan and I are growing more anxious. I am sure we will survive just as we survive every other day. There just seems to be so much build up before the holidays or even just big get togethers. You begin to dread that day, while deep down, I know it is no different than any other day... It is just the thoughts that we let rob of us of our joy. Thoughts about how this day "should be." As a mom, you fantasize about your firsts with your child. And yes, I had expectations for Christmas...expectations and dreams that will never be met. But, we will survive. It just may not be the way we had envisioned, hoped, or prayed for. Instead of celebrating and holding Wyatt in my arms, we will be thinking of our son and longing for him even more. We will be visiting the cemetery and holding our breathes....counting down until the day is over and has passed...only to survive another of firsts we will never experience. And while I write this, I don't want to sound cynical...it is just honest. This is hard. I find hope in knowing that while we are suffering, Wyatt is not. I know he is happy and could not be in a better place. I know that God is and will carry us through all of this and through all of these emotions. It is just hard to get through the build up we create and the excitement that society invests in a single day. I want to celebrate Christmas for what it is....the birthday of our Savior. For I am truly THANKFUL for the true meaning of Christmas.
One of my very best friends from high school painted this picture for us. It is breath-taking. I just know that it is a picture of Heaven...our little boy in the arms of an angel. How great thou art. How great thou art!