As Wyatt and I sat in our room one morning, I happened to glance out of our door to see the doors of CVICU east closed. My heart sank and I immediately began to pray. During our time in CVICU east they had informed us that the doors were always open and we were always welcome. We were also told that if we were to visit and find the doors closed we were not allowed to come in...that in this circumstance a patient was needing immediate attention and visitors would be allowed back in after everything and everyone was ok. So naturally, I began to cry and hold Wyatt a little closer. But as I sat there, I kept telling myself that we were ok. That we had made it to CVICU west or in my mind the "safer side." The we're ok side. And I began to think about God's plan for me. I thought about how Wyatt was doing well and how I just knew that God would not have "allowed" me to quit my job to stay home and take care of Wyatt and then rip him from my arms. There is no way God would allow me to return home without my son....without my new job. By the end of this pep talk I had convinced myself that I knew God's plan and I rested in that false sense of security. And it felt good.
So you can only imagine the sickness that fell over me the evening Wyatt was rushed back to CVICU east to prepare for surgery. We were no longer safe and I was helpless. There was not a thing I could do to help my son but pray....and watch as his fragile life slipped from our hands as the doctors prepared him for his unexpected emergency surgery.
And while this is such a difficult lesson to learn, I have learned something so very important. A lesson I would not have learned any other way. I have learned that while I was sure...sure...I knew God's plan for me. I did not. I still do not. But I do know that He does not waste a single breath. So while, my eyes were focused on our future and where we were going and what God was GOING TO do with us. I forgot to see what He WAS DOING with us.
Numbers 9:23 writes about how the Israelites traveled and camped and God guided them. In my Life Application Bible it goes on to discuss how when you follow God's guidance you are right where you are supposed to be...all the time...whether it is sitting still or moving forward. It also talks of how we often pray for God to show us what He wants us to do next or prepare us for where we are going...but instead, maybe we should ask God "What do you want me to do while I am RIGHT here?" God places us right where we are for a purpose. I have learned that there are a thousand different ways to get to the same location....but God puts me on the path I am on right now to serve a purpose this very day. I hope not to waste a single breath waiting on God to show me where I am going, but spend my time focusing on the now.