7 months

i am ON A ROLL today! ha! who am i kidding?! i won't be able to post tomorrow...so i thought i would take her picture today and post about 7 months (since it is SO important that i be on time. hee hee!)


7 months here we come! i have a feeling this might be the month we start crawling. we are working on it but tend to give up and just start rolling....it's much quicker and easier :) we'll call it more efficient. smart girl!


i was shocked the other day...finley was being so quiet and sleeping longer than usual so i went in to check on her...and guess what that little girl was doing....sitting up!!! i was shocked! she got up on her own! she hasn't done it since but i have to admit it took me by surprise! i am amazed at the things they learn so quickly. she has been cracking us up lately...she talks non stop. yesterday was the best...ryan came home from work and finley was sitting on the floor in my office playing (with her back to the door.) ryan stood at the door and was saying her name trying to get her to turn around....i was in front of Finley asking her who was talking to her....and out of no where she said da da......we were cracking up. yes, we know she really does not know that ryan is dad but the timing couldn't have been better. not to mention, that is the first time she as said anything that sounded remotely close to mom or dad. so needless to say, ryan keeps rubbing it in that she said his name first. ugh! :)


so here's to 7 months! 7 months of bliss, smiles, and lots of action. love you finley!

6 months

i can't believe my little girl is 6 months...well 7 tomorrow :) but i am catching up on 6 months right now. ha! she is just amazing...so happy, sweet, and cuddly. she is sitting up well now, laughs a lot, smiles a lot, and rolls everywhere. we haven't started crawling, but she get from one end of the room to the other in no time. i must admit, i am in NO hurry for her to start crawling! we started veggies this month...she is eating green beans, squash, and peas. she is not picky :) she seems to love them all. she fills my heart daily. love you lil' bit!

today...yesterday....and the day before that...

it's been a while since i sat down here. there is so much on my mind and heart that it overwhelms me to even try to get it all out. so i have decided to just write a little and document this past month with pictures...

as most of you know, wyatt's birthday was august 18th. this is a day i dread pretty much all summer. however, the past two years, the actual day has been yes..sad...but also joyful. on his birthday i feel like i get to celebrate him. celebrate his precious life and all that he is to our family. i love it. so while, i feel the emptiness of his loss and absence on that day, i also feel the pure joy that i have been blessed with a son. a son i love so very much. last year we had a little get together to celebrate his birthday. we did the same this year...it was just smaller. i am forever thankful for my wonderful friends and family who celebrate his life with us. i know at times they must be leery...not knowing what to say or do on such a day...but that's just it...no one has say anything special...do anything special...just BE. be with us. be there to acknowledge this special day in our lives. so thank you friends for just being. here a few pictures we took when we went to visit wyatt. i am sure it seems so silly to some, but i love taking pictures at his marker on special days. i feel closest to him just living out our daily lives, but i like to document our life as it is and he is very much a part of us.

i love this little onesie finley has on to help celebrate her brother...a dear friend sent it to me before finley was born. i love it so much...and it meant the world...for SO many reasons. that's finley's new face these days :) so much for getting a smile...ha!on september 4th finley was baptized. it was a wonderful day. our parents were able to be there along with my sister and her family. it was so very special. i have to admit, after loosing wyatt days like that are much more meaningful. and our dear friend baptized her....which was the icing on the cake. the day was all about her and it couldn't have been better. she is such a sweet girl and i am ever so thankful for her!

pretty sure i may get in trouble for posting pictures of my parents on here...good thing i can't get grounded anymore :) but mom, i am so sorry.....i just had to. love you lots!

and then these are just some random pictures. i can't get enough of our sweet girl :)

so i will have to post some pictures and update you on 6 months! i can't believe our little girl is growing so fast!

5 months

yes....yesterday our little bundle of joy was 5 months old. i cannot believe it! seriously, where does the time go? she has brought us five full months of joy, five months of healing, five months of laughter, five months of pure sweetness. i am so thankful for these past five months. i love you sweet girl...more than words can express!

avoidance

i have been avoiding the blog. i know it's crazy but true. wyatt's birthday is quickly approaching and while i feel as though i began to face this day in may, i am not sure i am ready for it. as if you can prepare. june was a rough month to be open and honest about it. july was better and then here we are just days away from what should be my sweet boys second birthday. i have found that the best way to describe my feelings at this point would be homesick. you know the feeling, the pit inside your stomach that won't go away. you can live with it, but you ache for what you cannot have. i ache for my sweet boy. and at times for heaven. i miss him so very much. i long for his sister to know him... not just of him. i long so deeply to hold him...although i am sure at this point he wouldn't sit still long enough for me to do so :) i guess in all honesty, i am not torn up over his actual birthday, but more over the realization that yet another year has passed with out my sweet boy. his name is spoken frequently at our house, his absence remains fresh and our hearts tender. i have been praying that God would help me to give Him my pain. all of it. i just recently realized how much i am holding on to. it is not on purpose, but in so many ways a way i can hold on to him. i guess when all you can hold on to is hurt...you will hold on to all you can. i know that i will always have a special place in my heart for our son. and most of my memories are warm and comforting, but i want to give my Father the memories and the hurt that hold me back. the pain that takes away my breath and stops me in its tracks. i want to be the mother...to both of my children...that He wants me to be. i want to love wholeheartedly and without fear. i have been surprised at the fear that can still take hold of me. i would like to consider myself a well balanced parent if there is such a thing :) but i am occasionally surprised by the emotions that take hold. the other evening finley had a little rash. it really wasn't much at all...but i was frightened to put her to bed. i knew she would be fine...but i don't feel invincible anymore. i have come to the realization that i am not in control. while this is so comforting to know that i do not have to be and that my Father is and that He has my best interest at heart...there are moments that fear can overcome me. i laughed at myself as i cried to ryan...i knew and know that my fear was unfounded, but the pure idea of something happening to another one of my children is unbearable. thankfully that fear only lasts for a few moments and i can laugh at myself for allowing it to take hold. i know better. i thank God that i can rest in His peace and know that He is in control. that He will protect my sweet baby girl and that He is holding my sweet baby boy in HIS arms. i want nothing more than to be the woman He intended me to be. i desire HIM to use every fiber of my being to bring HIM glory. so as wyatt's birthday approaches, i want to celebrate the life that has taught me so much over the past few years..and continues to teach me. i love you sweet boy and miss you like crazy.

friday...

finley turned four months! so hard to believe! she also had her four month check up. she weighs 14 pounds and 5 ounces. i cannot believe how fast she is growing! she has become quite the talker and is really starting to laugh and interact more. so fun. i had to post a few pictures...

i love this next picture...this is the face she makes as she holds a serious conversation with you...i think she is going to be a talker like her momma :) poor ryan!
cousin kate got to come over for a bit on friday. we were SO excited! she just moved to russellville with her mom and dad...we miss them so very much...but know we will get to see them often...so it is ok.
these girls love lollie (that's what we are calling my mom...she isn't too fond of the name...but i like it so that is what we are going with...ha! well until the girls come up with something of their own :) ) they are just smiling away at her...

i hope everyone had a good weekend!

oh and i know this is kind of random...but i am going to give it a shot :) we are planing on having finley baptised in september so i am on the look out for a dress for her. i can't seem to come up with anything so if you have any suggestions as to where i could find one i would REALLY appreciate it! thanks :)

just had to post a few pictures

i hope you have a wonderful weekend

my heart swells

i love this girl more than words can express. my heart has been very tender the past several weeks as i miss wyatt more and more every day. it is amazing to me that i can have such deep sadness and joy simultaneously. i never would have thought this possible. i am ever so thankful for this little bundle...who as of last week has decided to start rolling over. she keeps me on my toes...a blessing i will never take for granted. i love you sweet girl!

mamie

over the past year i have mentioned mamie and her mom, sarah, several times. i am so blessed to have sarah as a friend. as most of you know, mamie was born sleeping just months before wyatt was born. while i certainly do not want to sound like i would EVER wish these circumstances on anyone...i am so thankful to have her in my life as we grieve the loss of our babies. it is not an easy road to travel and at times is very lonely. so i feel extremely blessed to have a friend to cry with, vent to, and who honestly just gets it. unfortunately, over the past two years, several of my friends have begun this journey with us. my heart breaks for each of us. it is a pain no one should have to endure. yet, i am so thankful for each of these women and i continue to thank God for placing them in my life. my life here on earth is richer because of them.


mamie's second birthday would have been this past saturday. which is why i posted the picture in the last post. sarah's sister had her friends send a picture of mamie's name to sarah's inbox on saturday as a surprise to sarah and her husband...what a special way to let them know we are thinking of mamie and celebrating her life. as you can only imagine, a mother who has lost her baby only hopes people will remember her child and acknowledge them as often as possible.


last year, sarah started a non-profit to honor mamie and bring healing to the hearts of parents who grieve the loss of a child. with the help of others and through donations she has supplied hospitals in little rock, hot springs, north little rock, and arkadelphia with plates to customize with the babies footprints. she has supplied them with a keepsake to cherish until they can again be with their child. i will tell you first hand, this is priceless.


i am ever so thrilled to tell you that we are beginning to provide plates to the hospitals in northewest arkansas. in fact, mercy and washington regional have both asked for plates and welcomed this gift into their hospitals. thank you! we are still in the process of trying to expand up here, but i wanted to share sarah's work with you. she has a website i will link you to...http://www.mamiespoppyplates.com/ there you will find sample plates and see the love sarah is sharing with other parents. thank you sweet friend for all are you are doing to honor mamie and other precious babies gone too soon.

happy birthday mamie

happy birthday Mamie! we love and miss you so very much! may our hearts be full as you celebrate in the arms of our Savior.

3 months

i get so sad that finley is growing so fast...but i LOVE each and every stage. she is such a sweet girl. she has really started smiling a lot and is making lots of noises. i also caught her trying to roll over the other day...i don't think it will be long. she better wait til i'm watching though :) mom doesn't want to miss A THING!

also, i have WONDERFUL news! my sweet friend, sarah, (mamie's mom) delivered burke last weekend! i am SO VERY happy for them. he is such a lucky man to have her and taylor for parents. i'm praising God that he is here healthy and safe. i also love how we can SEE God's hand in the safe delivery of this little guy....sarah delivered mamie stillborn at 37 1/2 weeks...so as you can only imagine, sarah has been a tad anxious about carrying burke over 37 weeks. i know fear was an issue while i carried finley...even though wyatt was full term...so i can't imagine the feelings sarah had while carrying burke. but burke came early! and sarah did not even have to face week 37. thank you GOD! you ALWAYS know just what we need...even when we don't.

and of course i had to post a few pictures...i hope she gets used to this...this poor girl is going to have her picture taken OFTEN :) oh how i LOVE her!

where we are now...

it's been a busy few weeks. good...but busy. we have spent a couple of weekends in little rock with our families and i have started wedding season :) it has all been so much fun. i love being 'back at work' (even if i do work from home. ha!) i just love being around people so i have quite enjoyed myself :) and then i have to say i SO enjoyed going to little rock to spend time with family. we even got to spend time with one of ryan's sisters and her kiddos...which was very very special. we just don't get to see them enough! finley was thrilled to meet her cousins! i'll have to load a picture of finley with her cousin caroline. it's on my phone right now...so i'll get on that :) caroline was so sweet to finley. she just loved to hold her and take care of her. i could have watched her love on finley all day. melts my heart!

today little bit is 12 weeks. i cannot believe it! she is growing so fast. i took her to the gym today...for the first time. i gave in and did it...i was so proud :) she was asleep when i went to get her so i'm thinking everything went smoothly and everyone was happy.

i just had to check in. and of course post a few pictures i snapped of her yesterday before we got ready for the day. she is wearing the outfit we took her home from the hospital in. don't be impressed...it's a little snug now and it swallowed her when we brought her home. but, to be completely honest i had forgotten about it (it was in the wrong section...i have her clothes organized by size) and i just happened to run across it yesterday and wanted to get some pictures of her in it. i love the owl! anyways, have a super day!

2 months

last sunday finley turned 2 months. wow how time flies! we had a few family pictures taken that weekend. and when i say family, i mean my mom, dad, sis, her munchkin, her husband, ryan, finley and i. my dear friend who shoots weddings with me agreed to take us on :) and i am so glad she did. i will cherish these days and memories forever. i can't help but smile when i look at the picture above. i think finley looks like a little doll. it cracks me up...those super round cheeks and all. i love it! what a sweet time.

finley has been doing wonderful. i am so proud of her. she has been sleeping through the night and we are working on afternoon naps now :) but that's my fault. starting at 6 weeks finley started sleeping about 6 hours at night. and then not long after, she has been sleeping about 9 hours! how lucky we are! i will not pretend this has anything to do with what great parents we are :) i think she just likes to sleep as much as her mom does..ha! so glad though! she also moved to her crib this past week. i know! i can't believe it! i finally gave in since she was sleeping so well. i feel like she is getting so big...so fast! and while i hate not having her so close all the time...i know this is good for all of us. i'll just keep telling myself that!

i swore i would never be 'that' mom with all of the schedules and such...but i am starting to see where this comes in handy. i certainly don't want to be too tied down every day, but a little routine never hurt anyone :) so we are working on getting down for regular afternoon naps...instead of napping in mom's arms. it's taking some time...but we are getting there. in fact, she is napping now :) i will admit, there has been a little screaming here and there, but everyday she goes does more peacefully and sleeps a tad longer. we'll call that success!

so basically, life has been very sweet. i am so thankful for these days and this time of our lives.

mother's day

again i have been trying to get on here, but i can't seem to figure out where the time goes :) well, we survived another mother's day. not really a big important holiday...but one that seems to remind you of what you don't have. really, i don't need reminding....i continue to think and miss him constantly. but i have to say, it was so nice to have finley here this year. she certainly brings so much joy into our lives and while i miss wyatt like crazy, i am so thankful for finley and her life. for the healing our Father has brought through her each and every day. she certainly brings life to us and i am forever thankful that HE blessed us with her. i am daily reminded what precious gifts children are. i pray i continue to realize this. both of our children mean the world to us. i so look forward to each and every day with our sweet girl. here's a picture from mother's day. we took it pretty easy...hence the lack of make up :) but i am determined to document all of my 'special' moments with this sweet little one. i continue to be reminded to take life one day at a time. to slow down and really take it in. enjoy each day...because it is a gift from above.

today...

i am so thankful. thankful for a God that allows me to take in one day at a time. i am so enjoying EVERY minute with finley. i have come to realize that healing comes everyday. it is not as though God has taken away the pain and sting of wyatt's death for good. He brings forth healing moment by moment. i continue to constantly think of wyatt. what he would look like, what he would be doing, how wonderful he would be as a big brother, what our home would look like with both of our children. these are all such painful questions. questions without answers here on earth. how grateful i am that the promise of eternity brings hope. that our our father made the ultimate sacrifice so that we may truly experience his love for us. i am so thankful. thankful for this beautiful day...for every breath i get to breathe here on earth with my loved ones. although i remain homesick for heaven and my little boy i know that we are blessed. that we are cared for and loved beyond measure. what more could i ask for?

"may the GOD of hope fill you

with all joy and peace as you trust in him,

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

a few pictures

just wanted to post a few pictures. i can't get enough of this little one!

the last picture makes me smile...finley and wyatt...my sweet little ones.

i love them both so much!

easter

this easter was much better than the last. one thing i have found is that grief hits when i least expect it. i can spend days dreading certain events or upcoming dates, but it always hits the strongest on days i didn't 'plan' on. not that the days i expected to be difficult aren't but the days i don't expect are sometimes more difficult. last easter was just one of those days. really, every day continues to be a part of a long journey, but let's be honest, some days are just down right miserable while others are closer to 'normal.'

ryan , finley and i went to little rock this weekend. her first road trip :) which i have to say, went very well. she made it the whole way down without having to stop. yay! there were a few minutes we were a little worried we were going to have to stop...but the trusty old pacifier did the trick. while we were in little rock, we were able to visit with some of our wonderful friends and spend some time with our families. ryan got a little golf in while mom finley and i managed to run around a little and actually get out for lunch. we also went out to dinner...her first experiences away from the house :) i will admit we were very careful selecting places we went....we were sure to choose restaurants we thought wouldn't be too crowded. i know we sound pretty psycho, but i will do just about anything to keep this munchkin well. at least as long as i can :) she will be 6 weeks old tomorrow so i am starting to feel a tad better getting her out but we are taking it one step at a time. poor girl! she may have the most protective parents ever! i swore i would never be like this...who was i kidding?! oh well. anyways, it was so wonderful to get out of town for a bit and even more wonderful to spend time with friends and family! i feel so blessed.

finley wore the dress i got baptized in for easter. what's funny is i was old enough to sit up when i wore it :)

four weeks

i can't believe it, but finley was four weeks old on tuesday! i know you would think i have been taking tons of pictures...but i haven't. so today, we took a break and took some pictures. i am really trying to capture her each month to document her first year. i have a little project up my sleeve :) so i have to stay on top of it! not to mention, i want LOTS of pictures of her.

a lot has gone on this past week....last weekend her dad gave her her first bottle. which went really well and means mom can have a little more freedom...occasionally. we just knew she would have to take one at some point since wedding season is coming up (for those of you who don't know....i am a photographer) and i will be gone for long stretches at a time. it was also nice since one of my dear dear friends came to visit this past weekend and we were able to get out for a bit and i didn't have to worry about her getting hungry while ryan watched her.

she also went on her first walk! and loved it! it was so nice to get out of the house and enjoy the beautiful weather. we have gone on several walks since then and i have to say avery is thrilled. however, i have noticed that every time i put her in her car seat avery thinks we are going on a walk. see i haven't really taken finley out of the house much...just to run a few errands...drive through only....and then on her walks....so naturally, avery associates the car seat with a walk. this will change though as soon as we start getting lil' bit out of the house more. we're just a tad protective right now :) well, that about sums everything up but i do want to answer some of the questions i have gotten....

i had the curtains in her nursery made. the fabric is from a local fabric store...the Fabric Gallery (they always have great stuff and are so fun to work with)

i ordered her headbands from etsy. the cream one was from sweetly fallen. the brown one from snazziedrawers. i also ordered a turquoise one i LOVE from claramarie08

and the canvas (it's actually wood) print on her nursery wall with the writing is from a local store called Riffraff which also has some wonderful stuff!

oh and i almost forgot...her middle name is holden :) ryan made that decision as i was getting ready the morning we went in to have her...

i think that's it! i hope you have a wonderful weekend!

she's here!

i seriously cannot believe it has taken me this long to get back on here :) finley was 3 weeks old tuesday. time is flying! she is such a sweet baby and a huge blessing to our lives. she has been growing like crazy...which makes me so sad. however, i cannot wait for all of the fun we are going to have as she gets older. just to fill you in, everything went really well the day she was born. we arrived at the hospital around 7. i was taken to the O.R. at 10:09 and she was born around 10:29....or something like that. ha! so it was super quick! ryan and i loved having her early in the day. it was so nice to be awake and have time to spend with her. she also got to meet several of the people who have been praying and loving on her for some time. it was wonderful. just the way it was 'supposed' to be. we came home the friday after i had her...so the 18th. what a good feeling! it was so nice to put her in her car seat and LEAVE the hospital with her! in fact, we were in such a hurry to get out with her we forgot to run by the nursery and have her umblical cord clamp removed...whoops! so we went back saturday and had that taken care of :) she had her one week appointment that monday...the 21st. we feel so blessed, as we were getting ready to check out of the hospital on friday, the physican on call came to visit with us and let us know she was good to go. my heart about stopped as the nurse told us the doctors name. it was the same doctor who had taken care of wyatt the night he was born. what were the odds?! when he came in, he introduced himself and told us he had checked out our perfect little angel. then ryan told him he had actually taken care of both of our little angels. and i couldn't believe it...but he responded with 'i thought so. i recognized your names and thought you were wyatt's mom and dad.' wow! let's just say he earned A LOT of brownie points in my book! i couldn't believe he had made that association and remembered our sweet boy. thank you GOD! so needless to say, i love him already :) ok back to the appointment...she was an ounce from her birth weight which was 6 pounds 14 ounces. so we were thrilled. i must say...she is a good eater....she gets that from both her mom and her dad :) she had her 2 week appointment a week and a half later and had gained a pound and a half! so, i think it is safe to say she is doing well and growing like a weed! other than that, we have been cuddling and just enjoying every minute with her. she is spoiled rotton, but hey, why not?! we certainly wish her big brother was here to love on her and spoil her with us, but we know he is loving on her from Heaven. i'll try to do a better job updating. i just can't seem to make myself put her down :)