Friday, January 8, 2010

there will be a day

Today is one of those days I feel as though my world is standing still and everyone elses is continuing to spin as though it should. I have had a good past few days, but am feeling very still today. I know the lives of many of my dear friends are about to change, but ours is not. The grief does not go away. I am so thankful for my friend's blessings, but feel more and more alone as I wonder why Wyatt cannot be here. Ryan and I wanted a child so badly. We hoped and prayed for Wyatt...before he came...and certainly after his I know these friends are doing as they await their little ones. This sounds so terrible, but I wonder why their prayers are answered and ours were not. This is certainly a time I need to be able to see not through my own eyes, but through God's. I know He has a plan for us and that His will will be done...even through Wyatt's death...but the hurt of it all is almost unbearable. I walked in Wyatt's room and picked up the first verse I saw. It was Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Thank you God! I will try to focus more on our future than our past and even our present. For I find hope and healing in tomorrow and the pain of our past and present is still so fresh and raw. I often think of a song we played for Wyatt while he was in the hospital... There will be a day by Jeremy Camp. How true that song was for Wyatt and yet still for us. It brings tears to my eyes to hear it still. How I look forward to that day.


  1. love you...
    your sis

  2. Jessica,
    My name is Jennifer Worthy (was England) and I interned at George 5 years ago. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family. I lost a baby boy about a month ago when I was 17 weeks pregnant. While I know it isn't the same situation, I can relate to a lot of what you write, especially your post today. It is hard to see others with their lives going exactly as planned and wonder why yours didn't. I hope the new year brings comfort to you and Ryan.

    2 Corinthians 1:7 - And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

  3. Precious Jessica,

    So many days I think of you and pray for you. I know your mommy heart is aching so and the feelings and emotions you have each day are valid and real. Very few things can compare to the pain of losing a child, especially losing one so unexpectedly. The hole left is gaping, and even as time heals it, the scar will always remain.

    I am so encouraged that you are turning to the Lord for your hurts, your worries, your anxieties, your frustrations, your anger, your joy, and your sorrow. He wants it all, just as you are.

    Although I hate the road we have traveled, the Lord has given us a ministry of suffering that we would have never wanted or chosen. He promises He does not waste a single motion, and He is faithful and good even in midst of our deepest despair. Such a hard pill to swallow when you ache so deeply, I know.

    The depth of my relationship with the Lord I'm afraid would not be as intimate and deep, and I might not have been able to experience His love as authentically as I have if I had not lost Tyler. It's so hard to imagine that Tyler's life was the price paid for that in a sense.

    I just want you to know that you are deeply loved. He will never leave you or forsake you. He desires good things for you and Ryan. He wants to take you places in your relationship with Him, your marriage to Ryan, your friendships, your ministry, that you never thought possible.

    I pray for rest for your weary soul. I know the days drag on, but He will draw near to the broken hearted. I pray for oneness for you and Ryan. I pray for an abundance of blessing and that you desire more children, that He will open your womb swiftly. I pray your heart would be completely His. I pray that you will stand on His truths and not on fear and anxiety and worry. I pray all the same for myself;)

    I am here if you ever wanna chat. Love you!

    Jen Rumley

  4. Jessica,
    I think your thoughts today are very normal to have. I will be honest and tell you that a lot of times I think to myself, Why did Brycen live and Wyatt die?
    I know it seems unfair but you are right. God does have a plan. Good things will be in your future.
    We continue to pray with Brycen and our own everyday for you all and all the "heart babies" in the world. I know one day Brycen will meet Wyatt (whenever God plans that) and they will have an instant bond.

  5. Jessica

    There is not a day that goes by that I don't think and pray for you and Ryan. I cry reading this entry because I don't know why either. I think about this all day long, I don't know why God saved our child and not others. But I know it is not because our prayers were more effective than yours, nor was it because Wyatt isn't just as precious and valued as other babies. You know that He is because He was made in God's image. All I keep coming back to is Isaiah 55 where it says his thoughts and ways are higher than ours. We don't understand it, but we can trust in it, athough it's not easy. As others have said your faith is being put through the fire, refined like gold. You will come out of this just as God intended. And one day when you experience joy and fullness of each day again, you will look back on these times and remember what He did in your life through your precious Wyatt's short life. Thinking of you often, Lee

  6. Sweet Jessica - I can relate to so much and so much I cannot even imagine. Even today, as I look at Evan and am so incrediably thankful for him...I wonder why him and why not the others. Again, he is such a blessing but it does lend to the questions of why did the others not arrive? I love you more than words can say. You are such a blessing and inspiration to all of us - and, of course, you would have been if this nightmare had not happened. We all hate it so. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly.

    And, there will be a day for all of us....I just can't wait to meet sweet Wyatt - he is truly etched in my heart forever....