Sunday, January 24, 2010

a busy week

Well, I am sorry I haven't posted in a while. To be honest, I have started several posts and then just stopped. This past week has been very difficult. My heart has been very still. I have been dealing with each day as it comes...and to be honest, this is tiring. I did have a very busy week...I had an in service at school, bible study, dinner with friends two nights, lunch with a friend one afternoon, a "coffee date" with another friend Katie ( who also lost her baby, a meeting with someone from the heart association, pictures, and then a night out with friends. Whew, I think that covers it. And now that I write this, I realize God has been more present than I thought. While I have felt very alone this past week....He has most certainly been with me....keeping me busy and using friends to support me. It's funny how you don't notice these things until you sit down and begin writing. Yesterday was four months since the dreadful night we heard Wyatt had not made it through his emergency surgery. I think of this night often, but the past few days it has flooded my thoughts. I so badly want to go back and hear the doctors telling us he is in recovery waiting to see us. Instead, I remember the pain and shock of hearing that Wyatt had not made it. I need God's transparency more than ever right now. I know this is not something I am guaranteed or may ever know...but my heart cries out "why?" Why our little boy? Why now? I keep reminding myself that God has a purpose and His will will be done even if it was not part of His plan to bring Wyatt home so soon. There are so many questions left unanswered...but thankfully the most important one is answered...where God are you? "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"...Psalm 34: 18 I am so thankful for a God who does not abandon us or leave us to our suffering. Although He cannot remove this pain from our lives...for it is part of our journey and His plan....He can and will restore us, bring joy back into our lives, and use our history to build our destiny. I am thankful for a God who does not waste our history or our pain.


  1. I'm thankful for this, too, Jessica!

    I meant to tell you the other day that I am doing Esther, too. I started in the fall, but our doesn't end until March. I love love love it!

  2. Thinking of you guys. I am so thankful for the love that God has for us. Without him there would be nothing to get us through. You are forever in my heart.

  3. Sis,
    I have read your post a million times and have found myself speechless each and every time. Speechless because my heart aches so deeply for you and Ryan. Speechless because I ache for Wyatt. And speechless because I am amazed at your strength and trust in our God. I pray for you peace and your continued trust in Him. He will set your heart free, continue to keep it open...
    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). Love you all so very much!!
    Loving you guys...