Monday, April 12, 2010

right now i am in the middle of a Bible study on David. i am always amazed how God reaches out to me through such studies. always when i least expect it. it really wasn't until day 3 of my study that it all begin to hit home. on this particular day, we focused on how David was angry and afraid and wondered how the ark of the Lord could ever come to him. the study went on to say that we need to be determined to allow God to take us and our families "so far" that He alone can be the explanation. i am so anxious to allow Him to take us that far. i can't wait to come to a place where i can say, "look where God has brought us!" right now I am just trusting that He will. but how exciting! the study also talked about moving past our devastation with God. really?! i had never thought of it this way. but yes, i have been devastated with God. while i can say i haven't been really angry with him, I have been devastated. my feelings have certainly been hurt. how could such a loving and faithful God not hear our cries as we poured out our hearts and our desires and trusted him alone with our son. truly, i know He heard our cries and hears them still. i know His heart breaks with ours. but i also know that how i handle this has a direct impact on my relationship with my Father. the maker and creator...the author of life. i am ever so thankful that while i struggle, He knows my heart. the moment David could say, "look how far you have brought me" came after heart ache. the study also talked of how true intimacy with God cannot grow in an untrue environment. I love that the author wrote that "our hearts never need pouring out more than when they are filled with the toxic waters of bitterness." how true this is. how grateful i am for a God who knows my devastation with Him and is not offended. He waits patiently for me. how wonderful it is to trust that God's ways are higher than mine and that i don't have to understand His ways to settle my heart ache and hurt feelings. i can and do trust Him.

"trust in Him at ALL times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge"
Psalm 62:8

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