making it

this past week has flown by. there are times i don't where the days go and others that seem painfully endless. i can't say much has changed here...which is why i haven't written in a week. right now, the heartache is just below the surface. enough that i am pretty much doing ok, but it doesn't take much to rock my world. easter was most definitely the hardest day i have had in a while. the tears started before we ever left for church and pretty much lasted all day. i would think i was ok and then find myself bawling again. i just kept wondering where the tears were coming from. do we ever run out?! it was just one of those days. i really miss him. i wasn't really prepared for easter to be so difficult. i guess it just breaks my heart that there are so many holidays i will never get to spend with him. year after year.
we brought Wyatt's easter lily to the cemetery today. better late than never :) it was so beautiful there. the grass is green, a great deal of the markers have flowers, and the birds were chirping. as i was standing there by his grave, i couldn't help but notice the birds and flowers. but it is funny that no matter how beautiful is, it cannot take this pain away. i love the sunshine and beauty spring brings...but at times, it is just a distraction. a distraction i am certainly thankful for, but a distraction none the less. i only wish it could take away the sting of death.
so for now, i will enjoy these somewhat lighter days. for the only thing i have learned about grief is that it usually comes in waves and is extremely unpredictable.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion

and the God of all comfort..."