time for an update

well, i thought i would have a lot more time on my hands to update a little...but i guess i was wrong. so here's a quick update...well maybe not so quick. ha!

things are going pretty good here. we are almost 34 weeks. i can't believe it! however, i feel as though i have been waiting on this baby forever :) let me just say when you're ready to be a momma you're ready...and those feelings just don't disappear...although life would be easier some days if they would.

there are a couple of things i am sure you want to know that i haven't posted yet...like her name or what the nursery looks like :) but i have been holding back since they are not finished. i guess i want you to be surprised with the finished project and don't want you to see my mess in the meantime :) ha! but i'll go ahead and give you a little...we have a first name....finley. no middle name yet, but some ideas or maybe an idea...still thinking. it's kind of funny but with wyatt we had a few names we liked and had trouble making our minds up. so this time, i had a few boys names i liked and a girl name. well, maybe a couple of girl names, but i was really leaning towards finley. so, when we found out we were having a girl it was pretty much decided. so not like me :) it just took a little bit to convince ryan that finley was going to work. he likes it, but was bothered by the long e on finley and ritchie :) this totally makes me laugh since i taught for 5 years and this never bothered me...i also informed him that her last name would not be ritchie forever...although i hate to marry her off that fast :)

as far as the nursery, we are making progress. we did decide to totally change it. this was an ENORMOUS decision for us that has honestly brought a lot of emotions with it. i'll get more into this another time. i will say it is getting a little easier since we have dug in and gotten started. i just wish we needed two rooms :) but, back to her room...it is VERY girly...imagine that! i think it is going to be perfect! her colors are cream, gold, grey, and petal pink. i will most definitely post some pictures when it is complete. i just can't until it is all together :) which i hope will be soon!

this past weekend, my dear friends hosted a dinner to celebrate our sweet girl. it was perfect! i cannot thank them enough for all of their hard work and for all of the details that went into this evening. i had told them that i did not want a shower since i felt like we had just had one for wyatt and she is our second. yet, i did want to celebrate her and God's blessing to us...so i agreed on a dinner with some friends. but wow was i surprised! they of course went all out....i should have known better :) i had told one of my friends while talking about this dinner that i really wanted to the focus to be on this blessing, celebrating her life, and our gift from above. i was so moved by the details that brought this focus home. to begin with, her invitation to the dinner was perfect....i will have to load a picture of it once i relocate it..ha! but it was cream with grey snowflakes and one pink snowflake...and at the bottom it had part of James 1:17

"Every good and perfect gift is from above..."

i LOVE this verse and believe it whole heartedly!

and then check out this set up :) all done in her colors....it was beautiful!

just wanted you to see the snowflakes hung from the ceiling :)

this was in the kitchen. love it!
my sweet friends and hostesses...amelia, (me), ashley, kristi, and leslie (my sis)
my amazing teacher friends...i could just say friends...but hey they are some amazing women and teachers on top of that :)

and finally...the sweet goodie bags....loved.

it was an amazing evening. it truly warmed my heart. i am so thankful for such incredible friends and family! thank you! i can't wait for Finley to meet all of you!

Christmas

this year my mom and dad came up here to celebrate Christmas with ryan, my sister, her husband, and i. they came up last year as well, but this year felt a little more like Christmas. ryan and i didn't really decorate again...we will next year...but thankfully our hearts were in different places this year. while i missed wyatt like crazy, there was certainly a warmer feeling and i feel as though i was able to enjoy my time with family. last year i was still so numb. i know i didn't realize just how guarded i was then, but looking back i can see it clearly. i can still see this in certain areas of my life now. it can be a daily battle to let my guard down, accept things as they are, grieve and celebrate all at the same time. here are some pictures from Christmas i wanted to share. i love my family so very much and i am so thankful for their presence in our lives. they certainly made this holiday season more enjoyable...and i am so looking forward to next Christmas and two little girls :) (my sister is having a little girl next month...i can't wait!) i know they are going to kill me for posting pictures of them....did i say how much i love them? :)

ryan and i love taking avery to visit wyatt with us on Christmas day. she gets very excited :)
it is so bittersweet to visit him, but i am so very thankful that we can

home

well...we made it to little rock, through our echo cardiogram and ultrasound. and the best part is that everything looks wonderful. her heart is healthy and working properly. i can't begin to tell you what a relief this is. i remember when wyatt had gotten out of surgery and ryan looked at me and said, "well at least we know we can survive this." and he was so right. we did survive, and while i would do it all again if we had to...i am so glad we don't have to. when life gets hard you kind of take it as it comes. you don't really have another choice. at this point, i can't even begin to imagine what is like to come home with a healthy baby. in fact, i can't even imagine leaving a hospital with my baby in my arms. i remember my mom wheeling me out the day i was released and i just kept thinking this isn't right. i so badly wanted to just walk out. if i didn't have a baby with me, i didn't want to even give the impression i had just had one. of course, that was not going to happen.
i have to say our visit went very well. not only did we get good news, God blessed us with wonderful techs and nurses. i had been warned that the exam could be a little unnerving. just the waiting and unknown. having heard this, i had prayed and prayed that God would bless us with nurses, techs, and doctors that would be sensitive to our situation and needs. that He would grant us peace. and He did just that. the tech that preformed the echo cardiogram was simply wonderful. she talked to us the whole way through and was very sensitive to our situation. while she could not tell us if all was ok or not, she did a wonderful job walking us through...telling us what part of the heart she was looking at and what the echo cardiogram was showing. i am so thankful for her and this huge blessing.
when good things happen, people often say "God is good." and He is. but He is good everyday and in every situation. those words just don't often pass our lips when times are tough or we don't understand something. i have to say today that God is good. He was good yesterday. Today. and He will be tomorrow. thank you for your continued support and love. today we celebrate a healthy baby. we can't wait to meet you little one!

so sorry...

i am so sorry it has been so long since i have written. it was never my intention to keep quiet this long :) life has just been full. and as i take a minute to breathe i realize how thankful i am that it has been so full. i am doing pretty well, but to be honest, this is such a hard time of year. i hesitate to say this, as if every other day is easy, but their is such a stillness amidst the chaos this time of year. so i am thankful that my hands have been busy for this leaves a little less time to focus on another holiday without wyatt. i am not totally sure what it is about this season, but as we celebrate the birth of Christ and the hope that brings, i find myself more homesick for heaven. which really, is a good place to be. it certainly keeps things in perspective.


i will not even to try to sum up this past month. but towards the end of november we did attend the candlelight service at memorial gardens. it was such a nice celebration. they do a wonderful job celebrating the lives of those who have gone before us and celebrating our Savior. Both of our families made the trip up to be with us and to celebrate wyatt's life. it was so very special. i am so thankful to have parents and family who so willingly wrap their arms around us and join us in celebrating our son.

Every year they read this poem entitled Christmas in Heaven by Wanda White. it always brings tears to my eyes, but i love it. i have to admit that while i cannot imagine how wonderful Christmas is in Heaven...i still wish i could celebrate with wyatt. one day.


i will have to post a picture of his marker soon. it is finished and i believe it has been fixed. this is a picture of it the night of the candlelight celebration. so sweet.

on another note, our little one due in march seems to be doing well. i have really started feeling her move around...which i love. what a sweet reminder of what is to come. i am not one to wish time away (or usually not) but i am so ready for march to get here. i am certainly getting anxious to see her face to face and hold her sweet body in my arms. only a little while longer :) i will be sure to update you on our nursery progress and her name. we have decided on a first name, but are taking our time on a middle name. so, i will let you know as soon as we start making decisions :) we have our big appointment in LR on friday. so, if you think about it, i ask you to please pray for our anxious hearts and for our little girl. there are so many emotions about this appointment...yet, at the same time, i certainly feel graced by God's peace. i will definitely keep you posted on what we find out. thank you in advance for your prayers.

"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,

on those whose hope is in his unfailing love"

Psalm 33:18

it's true....

i am so excited to have some good news to share! we had our ultrasound yesterday and as far as we can tell baby ritchie is healthy! HER heart has four chambers and all. we couldn't be more thrilled or feel more blessed. even having gone through what we have this past year, i still feel so undeserving of such a precious gift. i know that God's hands are all over this precious life just as they were all over wyatts. i am so very humbled and thankful that He has blessed us with this sweet baby girl. the more i live and the more i understand how fragile life is and the more and more i realize what an intricate part our Heavenly Father plays in it all. so we are anxiously awaiting the safe arrival of our little girl.

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord."

Psalm 150:6

pregnancy and infant loss rememberance day

today....october 15th....is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. a special day for us to honor our sweet little ones who are no longer with us. while some of these babies and children were held here on earth there are others who were not. yet we miss them all...whether they were merely an image on a screen or a weight in our arms. they are missed. so in remembrance of wyatt today and all of his wonderful new friends, i am lighting his candle. we love you wyatt and miss you so very much!

just checking in...

well, it's been a while. so sorry! i love fall, but i am ready for things to slow down... just a tad :) everything seems to be going well here. we are 17 weeks now and i am feeling good. my energy is beginning to return. we were able to hear the heartbeat for the first time at my last appointment two weeks ago. such a sweet and promising sound. it was 140 and the doctor said he/she is a mover. definitely my kind of kid :) we get to find out the gender at our next appointment in two weeks. i'm so excited...and admitably a little nervous. to be honest, i don't care either way if we have a boy or a girl...i am just anxious to hear he/she is healthy! we were not aware of wyatt's condition until hours after his birth, but truly this ultrasound should tell us a few things. wyatt had double outlet right ventricle with pulmonary and mitral artersia...which is really a couple of different defects that tend to come together...not always...but usually. this is a complicated defect to explain for it can look different in different patients. but i am hoping to hear that this baby's heart has four perfectly formed chambers. which is something that should be picked up on during this ultrasound. so while this appointment will not put us in the clear it will address a major concern. we will have another appointment in little rock december 12th to have a level 2 ultrasound and echo cardiogram....which will tell us more and we will get a more detailed look at the heart at that time. that pretty much sums everything up though. wyatt's marker has arrived. it was actually placed on the 28th...exactly a year from the date of his service. i haven't posted pictures yet since it was not done the way we had asked, but they are working on getting it fixed. i think it is close. i'll definitely post some pictures once it looks perfect :)