well, i was right...this girl has gotten BUSY!  she is walking EVERYWHERE and fast.  13 months and on the go...i am not sure i'll ever get a good picture of her now :)  but life is good.  and i am soaking up every minute with her.  something i make a conscience effort to do.  if only i could keep her like this forever.  although i must admit, i am anxious to see what He has in store for her. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,"

declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

one year

yep...my lil girl is a year old. it has been an amazing year. it has been a year full of love and hope. a year full of growth and happiness. and i am so proud to call this sweet and yet ever so sassy girl mine. she fills my heart with joy daily. she is growing so fast. she decided to start standing on her own at her birthday party. i guess she wanted all of her grandparents to see her do it for the first time. since then, she has started taking a few steps and pretty much just loves to stand up. she can get up in standing position now without anything to pull up on and she is oh so proud of herself. she walks against the walls and i am thinking it will not be long before she is off on her own. she has really developed a sense of humor these days as well. she laughs alot. it is such a sweet sound. she has also started climbing up on everything! i am amazed at half the stuff she manages to pull and wiggle up on to. she is a little too brave for my liking! ha!

her party was VERY low key. just family and i didn't even cook :) well, i did make some macaroni and cheese....but that's it. we had fried chicken, cole slaw, potato salad, a mac and cheese casserole, and cake of course! i tried to go with a shabby chic/vintage theme. it was simple and just what we wanted. i think she enjoyed it as well.

this little girl is such a blessing to us!

11 months

i can't believe my little girl is 11 months...almost 12! she amazes me daily and is a constant reminder of God's grace. there are truly not words to express my gratitude for such a blessing. it has been through wyatt's short life that i have truly learned that our children are gifts from above. they are not ours, but blessings we have been giving the great pleasure and privilege of raising to know, love, and serve an awesome God. and i pray these things for my sweet girl. i am amazed at how fast this year has passed. wyatt's first year and year and a half since have flown by in some ways and lingered in others. i miss him dearly. my heart has been so tender for him lately. there will always be a 'sacred ache' for him and heaven.

as i was driving home the other night from spending some time with a dear friend i was listening to the radio (which i ALWAYS do). i missed most of the woman's story on the broadcast but as i listened she spoke of her life...of her child hood and of something she referred to as a sacred ache. my life does not parallel hers in many ways, but as she spoke of this pain i knew we had much more in common than i had first thought. and while her sacred ache had roots much different than my own, i knew the pain she was referring to. that deep ache that reminds us that we are not home. for me, that is the loss of wyatt. this feeling of displacement has been ever so present and pressing since his death. it's a feeling of sadness, loneliness, and insecurity at times and then a feeling of hope, fulfillment, and longing at others. i truly believe that we all have this sacred ache. it may not have surfaced in full force or it may be caused by something more trivial than death or loss. but as believers, we know we are not home. that this is not our destiny. before wyatt's death i knew this...but it was not pressing enough for me to acknowledge. these days, there is no denying it. and while i wish more than anything in the world that he was here safe in my arms, i am thankful for this sacred ache that calls me home. daily. this sacred ache that reminds me this life is not my own. ours days here with our loved ones are precious and priceless. having said this, we do not live a life 'doing' everything we can as if it is our last...we live a life loving our Father knowing our firsts are about to come.

i am so thankful for our two children and for all God uses them to continue to teach us. i am thankful to have my little girl safe in my arms. for the way she smiles and laughs. for her curiosity and sweet spirit. she is such a gift.

sweet kisses... very wet sweet kisses :)

10 months

so here i am late again :) i need to post finley's 10 month and 11 month pictures! ouch! i can't believe how fast the days go.

but i want to take a minute and just share. as i have really neglected this blog over the past year it has certainly been a place of healing and growth for me. i may not make it to sit down everyday...or even once a month. ha! but i have to say it has meant so much to me. i am still involved in a women's tuesday morning Bible study and while the point i took away on tuesday really had nothing to do with the lesson itself i know God was laying this on my heart. to be honest, i cannot even remember how this came up but she was talking about her family and the importance of journaling or writing things down so that you can remember them. i have never been good at journaling. i just can't make myself sit down and write...i think at times it feels cheesy and other times it just doesn't seem important. but tuesday it seemed important. i was reminded that we need to remember where God has brought us...to remember what He has done in our lives. to see His hand upon our lives. and i know that while my wounds are still so fresh He has brought forth healing that i am forever thankful for. i remember talking to a dear friend at lunch one afternoon about what it means for God to be faithful. we hear those words so often...He is faithful. but really what does that mean? it means that He will continue to do good work in our lives despite the baggage we carry. He will use our circumstances to bring glory and honor to Him in Heaven. He is faithful to finish what He has started in us. and while i am sure His work with me is not near finished...i have certainly found Him to be faithful. it is by his grace and mercy that i am able to live a joyous life honoring Him and loving my family...both here and in heaven. it is not an easy job. in fact, it is something i never expect to get used to...but thankfully, He. Has. Been. Faithful. and i look forward to discovering His plans for our lives. so, even though i don't make it here very often. i do want to continue to document where He is leading and what He is doing in my family's life.

so here's our sweet blessing at 10 months...

this sweet girl is pulling up on EVERYTHING. i keep thinking she will be walking soon as she loves her 'walker' but she's a little fearful to let go. thank goodness! she still says da da all the time....won't say momma or any kind of sound that resembles the letter m...but that's ok. she's still the apple of my eye ;) she loves to pull things out...just about anything she can get her hands on. now i just need to teach her to put things up. ha! she is getting harder to take to dinner...but hey maybe that will make me start cooking more. well, we'll see! she seems to have a good sense of humor and is oh so cuddly! i love her so much!

9 months

yes, finley has made it to 9 months....wow! and let me tell you, this girl is FAST! i cannot take my eyes off of her for a second! she is crawling up a storm and is in to everything! she has figured out how to open the cabinet doors in my office, how to open doors (that aren't totally closed that is), she is pulling up and standing on everything and constantly! just the other day, i was trying to take down our Christmas decorations and i was letting her play on the floor while i worked and the next thing i knew she was crawling up the stairs! seriously! is it time for that?! and she looks as though she has been doing it forever. she can race right up them! unfortunately, she has no fear. so tonight ryan and i bought a gate :) we'll show her...whatever! her two bottom teeth are about halfway up. it happened fast. and the girl will NOT stop saying da da :) i am pretty sure she knows who she has wrapped around her little finger! it's gotten to be a joke because she says da da ALL the time! and anytime we ask her to say mamma she will repeat your tone and inflection but say da da. smart girl! she is certainly the light of our lives. we love her so very much!

which direction

ha! so i am trying to decide if i write to catch up or start now and go backwards :) i am thinking i'll work my way up.

8 months

seriously! this fall has been CRAZY busy! business has certainly kept me on my toes...which i will NEVER take for granted. i am so blessed to do something i am so passionate about and love so much...anyways, little missy turned 8 months (about 2 months ago...yikes!) as you can see from the picture, she was working on some bottom teeth. she was crawling and starting to pull up on everything. she is such a sweet girl and this is such a fun stage....even if she keeps me on my toes. i wish you could hear her laugh. she laughs all the time. it is the sweetest sound. you can't help but smile when you hear that chuckle. peek-a-boo is probably her favorite game. i am so very thankful for this time and every moment i have to spend with her. i do not take it lightly. what a blessing!

7 months

i am ON A ROLL today! ha! who am i kidding?! i won't be able to post tomorrow...so i thought i would take her picture today and post about 7 months (since it is SO important that i be on time. hee hee!)


7 months here we come! i have a feeling this might be the month we start crawling. we are working on it but tend to give up and just start rolling....it's much quicker and easier :) we'll call it more efficient. smart girl!


i was shocked the other day...finley was being so quiet and sleeping longer than usual so i went in to check on her...and guess what that little girl was doing....sitting up!!! i was shocked! she got up on her own! she hasn't done it since but i have to admit it took me by surprise! i am amazed at the things they learn so quickly. she has been cracking us up lately...she talks non stop. yesterday was the best...ryan came home from work and finley was sitting on the floor in my office playing (with her back to the door.) ryan stood at the door and was saying her name trying to get her to turn around....i was in front of Finley asking her who was talking to her....and out of no where she said da da......we were cracking up. yes, we know she really does not know that ryan is dad but the timing couldn't have been better. not to mention, that is the first time she as said anything that sounded remotely close to mom or dad. so needless to say, ryan keeps rubbing it in that she said his name first. ugh! :)


so here's to 7 months! 7 months of bliss, smiles, and lots of action. love you finley!

6 months

i can't believe my little girl is 6 months...well 7 tomorrow :) but i am catching up on 6 months right now. ha! she is just amazing...so happy, sweet, and cuddly. she is sitting up well now, laughs a lot, smiles a lot, and rolls everywhere. we haven't started crawling, but she get from one end of the room to the other in no time. i must admit, i am in NO hurry for her to start crawling! we started veggies this month...she is eating green beans, squash, and peas. she is not picky :) she seems to love them all. she fills my heart daily. love you lil' bit!

today...yesterday....and the day before that...

it's been a while since i sat down here. there is so much on my mind and heart that it overwhelms me to even try to get it all out. so i have decided to just write a little and document this past month with pictures...

as most of you know, wyatt's birthday was august 18th. this is a day i dread pretty much all summer. however, the past two years, the actual day has been yes..sad...but also joyful. on his birthday i feel like i get to celebrate him. celebrate his precious life and all that he is to our family. i love it. so while, i feel the emptiness of his loss and absence on that day, i also feel the pure joy that i have been blessed with a son. a son i love so very much. last year we had a little get together to celebrate his birthday. we did the same this year...it was just smaller. i am forever thankful for my wonderful friends and family who celebrate his life with us. i know at times they must be leery...not knowing what to say or do on such a day...but that's just it...no one has say anything special...do anything special...just BE. be with us. be there to acknowledge this special day in our lives. so thank you friends for just being. here a few pictures we took when we went to visit wyatt. i am sure it seems so silly to some, but i love taking pictures at his marker on special days. i feel closest to him just living out our daily lives, but i like to document our life as it is and he is very much a part of us.

i love this little onesie finley has on to help celebrate her brother...a dear friend sent it to me before finley was born. i love it so much...and it meant the world...for SO many reasons. that's finley's new face these days :) so much for getting a smile...ha!on september 4th finley was baptized. it was a wonderful day. our parents were able to be there along with my sister and her family. it was so very special. i have to admit, after loosing wyatt days like that are much more meaningful. and our dear friend baptized her....which was the icing on the cake. the day was all about her and it couldn't have been better. she is such a sweet girl and i am ever so thankful for her!

pretty sure i may get in trouble for posting pictures of my parents on here...good thing i can't get grounded anymore :) but mom, i am so sorry.....i just had to. love you lots!

and then these are just some random pictures. i can't get enough of our sweet girl :)

so i will have to post some pictures and update you on 6 months! i can't believe our little girl is growing so fast!

5 months

yes....yesterday our little bundle of joy was 5 months old. i cannot believe it! seriously, where does the time go? she has brought us five full months of joy, five months of healing, five months of laughter, five months of pure sweetness. i am so thankful for these past five months. i love you sweet girl...more than words can express!

avoidance

i have been avoiding the blog. i know it's crazy but true. wyatt's birthday is quickly approaching and while i feel as though i began to face this day in may, i am not sure i am ready for it. as if you can prepare. june was a rough month to be open and honest about it. july was better and then here we are just days away from what should be my sweet boys second birthday. i have found that the best way to describe my feelings at this point would be homesick. you know the feeling, the pit inside your stomach that won't go away. you can live with it, but you ache for what you cannot have. i ache for my sweet boy. and at times for heaven. i miss him so very much. i long for his sister to know him... not just of him. i long so deeply to hold him...although i am sure at this point he wouldn't sit still long enough for me to do so :) i guess in all honesty, i am not torn up over his actual birthday, but more over the realization that yet another year has passed with out my sweet boy. his name is spoken frequently at our house, his absence remains fresh and our hearts tender. i have been praying that God would help me to give Him my pain. all of it. i just recently realized how much i am holding on to. it is not on purpose, but in so many ways a way i can hold on to him. i guess when all you can hold on to is hurt...you will hold on to all you can. i know that i will always have a special place in my heart for our son. and most of my memories are warm and comforting, but i want to give my Father the memories and the hurt that hold me back. the pain that takes away my breath and stops me in its tracks. i want to be the mother...to both of my children...that He wants me to be. i want to love wholeheartedly and without fear. i have been surprised at the fear that can still take hold of me. i would like to consider myself a well balanced parent if there is such a thing :) but i am occasionally surprised by the emotions that take hold. the other evening finley had a little rash. it really wasn't much at all...but i was frightened to put her to bed. i knew she would be fine...but i don't feel invincible anymore. i have come to the realization that i am not in control. while this is so comforting to know that i do not have to be and that my Father is and that He has my best interest at heart...there are moments that fear can overcome me. i laughed at myself as i cried to ryan...i knew and know that my fear was unfounded, but the pure idea of something happening to another one of my children is unbearable. thankfully that fear only lasts for a few moments and i can laugh at myself for allowing it to take hold. i know better. i thank God that i can rest in His peace and know that He is in control. that He will protect my sweet baby girl and that He is holding my sweet baby boy in HIS arms. i want nothing more than to be the woman He intended me to be. i desire HIM to use every fiber of my being to bring HIM glory. so as wyatt's birthday approaches, i want to celebrate the life that has taught me so much over the past few years..and continues to teach me. i love you sweet boy and miss you like crazy.

friday...

finley turned four months! so hard to believe! she also had her four month check up. she weighs 14 pounds and 5 ounces. i cannot believe how fast she is growing! she has become quite the talker and is really starting to laugh and interact more. so fun. i had to post a few pictures...

i love this next picture...this is the face she makes as she holds a serious conversation with you...i think she is going to be a talker like her momma :) poor ryan!
cousin kate got to come over for a bit on friday. we were SO excited! she just moved to russellville with her mom and dad...we miss them so very much...but know we will get to see them often...so it is ok.
these girls love lollie (that's what we are calling my mom...she isn't too fond of the name...but i like it so that is what we are going with...ha! well until the girls come up with something of their own :) ) they are just smiling away at her...

i hope everyone had a good weekend!

oh and i know this is kind of random...but i am going to give it a shot :) we are planing on having finley baptised in september so i am on the look out for a dress for her. i can't seem to come up with anything so if you have any suggestions as to where i could find one i would REALLY appreciate it! thanks :)