it's true....

i am so excited to have some good news to share! we had our ultrasound yesterday and as far as we can tell baby ritchie is healthy! HER heart has four chambers and all. we couldn't be more thrilled or feel more blessed. even having gone through what we have this past year, i still feel so undeserving of such a precious gift. i know that God's hands are all over this precious life just as they were all over wyatts. i am so very humbled and thankful that He has blessed us with this sweet baby girl. the more i live and the more i understand how fragile life is and the more and more i realize what an intricate part our Heavenly Father plays in it all. so we are anxiously awaiting the safe arrival of our little girl.

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord."

Psalm 150:6

pregnancy and infant loss rememberance day

today....october 15th....is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. a special day for us to honor our sweet little ones who are no longer with us. while some of these babies and children were held here on earth there are others who were not. yet we miss them all...whether they were merely an image on a screen or a weight in our arms. they are missed. so in remembrance of wyatt today and all of his wonderful new friends, i am lighting his candle. we love you wyatt and miss you so very much!

just checking in...

well, it's been a while. so sorry! i love fall, but i am ready for things to slow down... just a tad :) everything seems to be going well here. we are 17 weeks now and i am feeling good. my energy is beginning to return. we were able to hear the heartbeat for the first time at my last appointment two weeks ago. such a sweet and promising sound. it was 140 and the doctor said he/she is a mover. definitely my kind of kid :) we get to find out the gender at our next appointment in two weeks. i'm so excited...and admitably a little nervous. to be honest, i don't care either way if we have a boy or a girl...i am just anxious to hear he/she is healthy! we were not aware of wyatt's condition until hours after his birth, but truly this ultrasound should tell us a few things. wyatt had double outlet right ventricle with pulmonary and mitral artersia...which is really a couple of different defects that tend to come together...not always...but usually. this is a complicated defect to explain for it can look different in different patients. but i am hoping to hear that this baby's heart has four perfectly formed chambers. which is something that should be picked up on during this ultrasound. so while this appointment will not put us in the clear it will address a major concern. we will have another appointment in little rock december 12th to have a level 2 ultrasound and echo cardiogram....which will tell us more and we will get a more detailed look at the heart at that time. that pretty much sums everything up though. wyatt's marker has arrived. it was actually placed on the 28th...exactly a year from the date of his service. i haven't posted pictures yet since it was not done the way we had asked, but they are working on getting it fixed. i think it is close. i'll definitely post some pictures once it looks perfect :)

september 23rd

well it has come...and gone...but i cannot not acknowledge this day. wyatt has been in the presence of our Father for one year now. it is so hard to believe. i continue to miss him as though it were yesterday. yet we have still come so far. there are so many layers to who we are and we have become. wyatt will always be a huge part of those layers. which is so wonderful and yet so painful at the same time. i carry such a huge piece of him with me...and always will...yet as time passes, he becomes less and less of a piece of others. which is painful to watch and acknowledge. i am fully aware that others will not always carry him with them as we do, but i do not want him to become lost either. he is a piece of us that continues to need to be acknowledged and loved. so thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the cards, emails, texts, and phone calls...over this past year, but especially last thursday. we miss wyatt every day...it does not have to be a holiday, or his birthday, or the anniversary of his heavenly homecoming, but these days we have to face a little more head on. these are given days that bring more to the surface although there are random days in between that come with this same emotion. again, thank you for being such a huge part of our lives, for your continued love, and support. thank you for talking to us about wyatt, for asking questions, for looking at his pictures. thank you for acknowledging this huge part of us over this past year.

it's a special day

happy birthday to THE MOST WONDERFUL man in the world! love ya! (just had to embarrass him a little :) )

missing wyatt

i am so glad to have a minute to sit down and write. life has been very bitter sweet over the past few weeks. while i am so thankful the pregnancy seems to be going wonderful, my heart is heavy as i miss wyatt. i continue to think back to this time last year and how he was in our arms. i almost seem to be counting down until the 23rd as if we are going to loose him again. over the past year my emotions have ranged from a few good moments here and there to a few good hours and eventually into a few good days, followed by a few good weeks, and somewhere in there i have returned to the living but always have our loss just below the surface. and the longer it stays there the closer it gets to the surface. at those times i just have to embrace the tears and heartache, experience them if you will, and then put these emotions back under the surface so that i can continue on. now don't get me wrong, while the sadness is under the surface i am able to live and breath and enjoy life and the wonderful people in my life, but i feel compelled to say that i will always miss wyatt. words cannot tell you how over joyed i am to have a little one on the way, but i also must say that while this child brings us hope, he or she will never take the sting away of not having wyatt. this child is our second child...we love this sweet new life as we love wyatt. they are both our children and our blessings from above. so i humbly ask that you continue to pray for mine and ryan's hearts as we miss our little one. and to pray for this miracle yet to be seen by our eyes. that he or she is healthy and growing and developing as he or she should. thank you so much for your continued support, love, and prayers.

redeeming hope

i'm not sure where to begin today. there is so much on my mind and in my heart. but one thing i have learned over this past year is to truly celebrate God's gifts and our blessings. not to take anything for granted. so while i want to tell you so much about where we are right now, i also want to soak in the moment of our blessing. God has been so good to us and we have been blessed so i will keep it short and simple....wyatt is going to have a brother or sister! our hearts are full in a new way as we miss our sweet boy and begin a new chapter in our lives. we are so thankful for this new life and humbled by God's gracious gifts.

here's a sneak peek of the little sprout....almost 12 weeks!

"for you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well."

Psalm 139:13-14