selecting a marker

this weekend ryan and i went to choose a marker for wyatt. this was something we had been putting off for quite some time....and to be honest, had gotten pretty good at it. we just felt like there was something so final to picking it out. and honestly, deep down, i still liked having something to do for wyatt. it was the only way i could still take care of him. i also was afraid it would be very emotional and was not sure i wanted to put ourselves through it. it was kind of the thought that when we're doing ok let's enjoy being ok and when times are rough let's not make it worse. but, we made the decision about a week ago that it was time. and much to our surprise, it was not near as terrible as we thought it was going to be. i will admit there moments i was fighting back tears, but the lady we worked with was incredible. she was so sensitive and sincere, yet still upbeat and happy which made her a joy to work with. i had visited with her on the phone friday before we went out there to give her a rough idea of what we were looking for. this may sound funny, but ryan and i both wanted something simple and even vintage looking if there is such a thing. we know it will not come aged, but we both agreed that we did not want a shiny marker. it's so funny how everyone is different....i'm just glad ryan and i agreed :) we walked around the cemetery with the lady who was helping us and fairly quickly we were able to come up with some ideas of what we wanted. the exciting part is that there is not another marker in the cemetery like the one we want. so it will be unique and special just like our little boy. we haven't totally decided if we want an upright or a bevel (which is flat but raised up about 4 inches from the ground). i'll keep you posted on the one we choose. i cannot wait to show it to you. over these past months, i have come to realize just how differently people grieve and handle loss. i know that choosing a marker is no different...that being said, while i know we put off picking out his marker for so long, as we left the cemetery saturday i was so glad we waited until we did. i had felt guilty for not doing this before now, but i feel like we were really able to select what we wanted this weekend, while i am not sure i would have been able to do so before. for one, i did not have a clue what i wanted. but i also think i would have been so overcome by grief that in a way i would not have been able to think straight about this important decision. i remember walking through the cemetery before wyatt's funeral trying to figure out which plot we wanted and to be honest, nothing was going to be good enough. i had no idea of what i wanted or where a good place would be. while i am very happy with the spot we chose, there is such a difference in making these decisions today. it will most likely take four to six weeks to get it from the time we order, but i will be sure to post some pictures and tell you all about it.