my friend bek came over again this afternoon. i had really missed spending time with her. there is something so wonderful in taking time to work on something that is made in honor of wyatt...to share it and him with someone is even more incredible. i am so sad our project is almost over. just a few coats of sealer and we are finished...maybe we can start another one sometime soon :) today we poured a CLEAR wax over the canvas...we were both a tad hesatent after our last adventure with the beeswax (which was yellow and we had to scrape off with knives) but this worked great. i wish you could see it in person. there is so much depth and texture it is beautiful. the third picture is of the heart we attached today. as some of you may remember, my mom peeled all of the tiny labels from wyatt's milk bottles and formed them into this beautiful heart. what a tangible reminder of where we have been...and what has been ours. the canvas has turned out beyond my expectations. thank you bek for taking time out of your busy life and away from your sweet little one to help heal my heart.
as we start this week, i'm not really sure where to begin. i will say i am doing much better at the moment than i could have ever expected. my heart is definitely heavy and there are moments i cannot catch my breath but thankfully God has been good to fill me up in ways only He can. i am so thankful that He knows the depth of my pain and the depth of my loss. for as He knows these things, He brings peace to my broken heart. it is not a peace that makes me miss wyatt any less, but a peace that allows me to survive this life here on earth. i don't miss wyatt anymore today than i did yesterday or the day before...that would be impossible. but, as his birthday creeps up i find myself missing more of what could have been. at times like these, there are moments my mind wonders to places i rarely let it go. to the details of the night wyatt passed away. to the terror i felt as they prepared him for emergency surgery, to the helplessness i felt as we watched our little boy's body fail. i so vividly recall the details of that night. the ups and downs. i remember the way it felt to hold and touch his sweet face after we had lost him. how scared i was to see him. not knowing when death would set in and so afraid the memories of life would be erased in a moments time. i remember so much. most days, i tend to linger on the way it felt to hold him, how tightly he would wrap his little hand around our fingers, how sweet he looked as he slept in our arms. i tend to remember the details of his life and not focus on the details of his death. but at times such as this, these thoughts tend to linger a little longer. i am so thankful God is ever so present as these thoughts make their presence known. may He continue to protect our hearts and hold us close. as we begin this week, i am so looking forward to celebrating wyatt's life. i celebrate all that he was, all that he is, and all that he will be. we love you wyatt!
"my flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever"