those of you who know me well, know that i have been blessed with an amazing mom. a mom who always provided direction and guidance, yet has let us experience life and make our own decisions...even when she knew heartache was to follow. i know this is hard for a mother to do. she is a constant in my life. a mother and a dear friend. she is a wonderful lady outside of being my mom and i am so proud of her. i have always loved her presence in my life and am still loving it to this day. thank you mom for being present in my past and my present. i love you dearly.
today has been such a bitter sweet day. ryan, my mom, dad, sister, avery, and i headed out to devil's den to "hike" and get out of the house. it was so nice to be with family on such a difficult day. it was nice to be outside and not idol at home. there is something about being outside that makes you feel more alive. i have received so many texts, cards, and words of encouragement today. thank you. i can't even begin to tell you how sweet it is to receive letters and messages wishing me a happy mother's day. it's nice to know others are thinking of us today, but it is especially nice to be called mom. i have wonderful friends who so sweetly remind me that i am and always will be wyatt's mom. and yet while i know this, and am so proud of this, i do not feel like a mom. my arms are empty and i feel helpless. miles away from the one who would call me mom. never to hear his sweet voice cry out for me. i feel like there are so many things a mom does for their child and yet i cannot do anything for mine. i cannot hold him, take care of him, i cannot look into his big eyes and tell him how much i love him, i cannot teach him about life and watch him grow. i long for these moments with him. i simply long to BE his mom.
my heart aches with all of my sweet friends who have lost their precious babies. i look forward to the day we are all in Heaven holding our little ones.