Sunday, May 9, 2010

happy mother's day

those of you who know me well, know that i have been blessed with an amazing mom. a mom who always provided direction and guidance, yet has let us experience life and make our own decisions...even when she knew heartache was to follow. i know this is hard for a mother to do. she is a constant in my life. a mother and a dear friend. she is a wonderful lady outside of being my mom and i am so proud of her. i have always loved her presence in my life and am still loving it to this day. thank you mom for being present in my past and my present. i love you dearly.

today has been such a bitter sweet day. ryan, my mom, dad, sister, avery, and i headed out to devil's den to "hike" and get out of the house. it was so nice to be with family on such a difficult day. it was nice to be outside and not idol at home. there is something about being outside that makes you feel more alive. i have received so many texts, cards, and words of encouragement today. thank you. i can't even begin to tell you how sweet it is to receive letters and messages wishing me a happy mother's day. it's nice to know others are thinking of us today, but it is especially nice to be called mom. i have wonderful friends who so sweetly remind me that i am and always will be wyatt's mom. and yet while i know this, and am so proud of this, i do not feel like a mom. my arms are empty and i feel helpless. miles away from the one who would call me mom. never to hear his sweet voice cry out for me. i feel like there are so many things a mom does for their child and yet i cannot do anything for mine. i cannot hold him, take care of him, i cannot look into his big eyes and tell him how much i love him, i cannot teach him about life and watch him grow. i long for these moments with him. i simply long to BE his mom.

my heart aches with all of my sweet friends who have lost their precious babies. i look forward to the day we are all in Heaven holding our little ones.


  1. Jessica ~

    I wish I had the perfect words to comfort your heart. You do so much for Wyatt in ways you may not even be aware of. I know they are not the "normal" things moms may do for their kids, but you are a wonderful mom to your little boy.

    He'll always be your firstborn baby boy. Beautiful, too.

  2. I agree with Katie. You are an amazing mom and you have and continue to do so much for Wyatt. You honor him every single day with your strength, perserverance, and trust in the Lord. He is so proud of his mom and I am confident God is holding him and whispering to him that he chose you for a reason; because you are so very special and he needed a really special mom. Love you sis!!!

  3. I third that!! Happy Mother's Day to a selfless mother that continues to amaze me every day! I love you!!

  4. That little guy is loving and adoring you, his precious mother. I love you, Jessica. I've thought of you all day. You have made it through another "first". Be blessed sweet friend.