while i have been handling life better than i expected right now, i find my emotions right under the surface. while this is such an exciting time for us...as finley will make her arrival on tuesday ( i am so thrilled)...there is certainly fear, apprehension, and sadness about where we have been. this sounds so silly...i know...but since loosing wyatt it has been hard to imagine ever being able to have a baby. as if, because we lost one we will never have another. i am sure it is because wyatt was our first and we were never able to bring him home. i just cannot imagine being able to actually leave a hospital with our child and experience life with children. the good news is that by the grace of God we will be able to experience this next week and i will hopefully rid myself of this fear.
as i was working out with a friend this morning....or maybe not working out too hard :)..more like spending some good quality time with a friend :)...she was asking me how ryan and i have been doing and basically if i thought we would be ok before tuesday i was again reminded how blessed i am to have such incredible friends. i know i have said this before, but i truly believe it, God certainly works through you when you allow Him. so, thank you! and yes, we should be ok. but i do think will have some emotional moments in between. while our hearts are so overjoyed to meet our sweet girl, we continue to miss our little boy. i guess before we lost wyatt i just figured or liked to think that time would heal someones broken heart and that another child would fill that emptiness. it was a great thought...as life would be much easier then. i just didn't know any better....but now i do. time has allowed God to work in my heart and teach me how to live with our loss. time has allowed God to comfort me and grow closer to Him. time has allowed God to show me how to live with both sorrow and joy simultaneously. time has allowed Him to do mighty works in my life. and for that i am forever thankful. so no, time does not heal a broken heart or take away the pain...but God will. He gives us the strength to get through each and every day. He shows us unconditional love. and promises that one day He will take away all our pain. knowing this, i can live a life of thankfulness and happiness here on earth despite where we have been. thank you God! and thank you for our sweet blessing...finley. we cannot wait to hold her in our arms and tell her face to face how much we love her. she has already been such a gift and loved beyond words. You have already used her to move mountains in our lives and i look forward to learning more about you through her.