6 months

i can't believe my little girl is 6 months...well 7 tomorrow :) but i am catching up on 6 months right now. ha! she is just amazing...so happy, sweet, and cuddly. she is sitting up well now, laughs a lot, smiles a lot, and rolls everywhere. we haven't started crawling, but she get from one end of the room to the other in no time. i must admit, i am in NO hurry for her to start crawling! we started veggies this month...she is eating green beans, squash, and peas. she is not picky :) she seems to love them all. she fills my heart daily. love you lil' bit!

today...yesterday....and the day before that...

it's been a while since i sat down here. there is so much on my mind and heart that it overwhelms me to even try to get it all out. so i have decided to just write a little and document this past month with pictures...

as most of you know, wyatt's birthday was august 18th. this is a day i dread pretty much all summer. however, the past two years, the actual day has been yes..sad...but also joyful. on his birthday i feel like i get to celebrate him. celebrate his precious life and all that he is to our family. i love it. so while, i feel the emptiness of his loss and absence on that day, i also feel the pure joy that i have been blessed with a son. a son i love so very much. last year we had a little get together to celebrate his birthday. we did the same this year...it was just smaller. i am forever thankful for my wonderful friends and family who celebrate his life with us. i know at times they must be leery...not knowing what to say or do on such a day...but that's just it...no one has say anything special...do anything special...just BE. be with us. be there to acknowledge this special day in our lives. so thank you friends for just being. here a few pictures we took when we went to visit wyatt. i am sure it seems so silly to some, but i love taking pictures at his marker on special days. i feel closest to him just living out our daily lives, but i like to document our life as it is and he is very much a part of us.

i love this little onesie finley has on to help celebrate her brother...a dear friend sent it to me before finley was born. i love it so much...and it meant the world...for SO many reasons. that's finley's new face these days :) so much for getting a smile...ha!on september 4th finley was baptized. it was a wonderful day. our parents were able to be there along with my sister and her family. it was so very special. i have to admit, after loosing wyatt days like that are much more meaningful. and our dear friend baptized her....which was the icing on the cake. the day was all about her and it couldn't have been better. she is such a sweet girl and i am ever so thankful for her!

pretty sure i may get in trouble for posting pictures of my parents on here...good thing i can't get grounded anymore :) but mom, i am so sorry.....i just had to. love you lots!

and then these are just some random pictures. i can't get enough of our sweet girl :)

so i will have to post some pictures and update you on 6 months! i can't believe our little girl is growing so fast!

5 months

yes....yesterday our little bundle of joy was 5 months old. i cannot believe it! seriously, where does the time go? she has brought us five full months of joy, five months of healing, five months of laughter, five months of pure sweetness. i am so thankful for these past five months. i love you sweet girl...more than words can express!

avoidance

i have been avoiding the blog. i know it's crazy but true. wyatt's birthday is quickly approaching and while i feel as though i began to face this day in may, i am not sure i am ready for it. as if you can prepare. june was a rough month to be open and honest about it. july was better and then here we are just days away from what should be my sweet boys second birthday. i have found that the best way to describe my feelings at this point would be homesick. you know the feeling, the pit inside your stomach that won't go away. you can live with it, but you ache for what you cannot have. i ache for my sweet boy. and at times for heaven. i miss him so very much. i long for his sister to know him... not just of him. i long so deeply to hold him...although i am sure at this point he wouldn't sit still long enough for me to do so :) i guess in all honesty, i am not torn up over his actual birthday, but more over the realization that yet another year has passed with out my sweet boy. his name is spoken frequently at our house, his absence remains fresh and our hearts tender. i have been praying that God would help me to give Him my pain. all of it. i just recently realized how much i am holding on to. it is not on purpose, but in so many ways a way i can hold on to him. i guess when all you can hold on to is hurt...you will hold on to all you can. i know that i will always have a special place in my heart for our son. and most of my memories are warm and comforting, but i want to give my Father the memories and the hurt that hold me back. the pain that takes away my breath and stops me in its tracks. i want to be the mother...to both of my children...that He wants me to be. i want to love wholeheartedly and without fear. i have been surprised at the fear that can still take hold of me. i would like to consider myself a well balanced parent if there is such a thing :) but i am occasionally surprised by the emotions that take hold. the other evening finley had a little rash. it really wasn't much at all...but i was frightened to put her to bed. i knew she would be fine...but i don't feel invincible anymore. i have come to the realization that i am not in control. while this is so comforting to know that i do not have to be and that my Father is and that He has my best interest at heart...there are moments that fear can overcome me. i laughed at myself as i cried to ryan...i knew and know that my fear was unfounded, but the pure idea of something happening to another one of my children is unbearable. thankfully that fear only lasts for a few moments and i can laugh at myself for allowing it to take hold. i know better. i thank God that i can rest in His peace and know that He is in control. that He will protect my sweet baby girl and that He is holding my sweet baby boy in HIS arms. i want nothing more than to be the woman He intended me to be. i desire HIM to use every fiber of my being to bring HIM glory. so as wyatt's birthday approaches, i want to celebrate the life that has taught me so much over the past few years..and continues to teach me. i love you sweet boy and miss you like crazy.

friday...

finley turned four months! so hard to believe! she also had her four month check up. she weighs 14 pounds and 5 ounces. i cannot believe how fast she is growing! she has become quite the talker and is really starting to laugh and interact more. so fun. i had to post a few pictures...

i love this next picture...this is the face she makes as she holds a serious conversation with you...i think she is going to be a talker like her momma :) poor ryan!
cousin kate got to come over for a bit on friday. we were SO excited! she just moved to russellville with her mom and dad...we miss them so very much...but know we will get to see them often...so it is ok.
these girls love lollie (that's what we are calling my mom...she isn't too fond of the name...but i like it so that is what we are going with...ha! well until the girls come up with something of their own :) ) they are just smiling away at her...

i hope everyone had a good weekend!

oh and i know this is kind of random...but i am going to give it a shot :) we are planing on having finley baptised in september so i am on the look out for a dress for her. i can't seem to come up with anything so if you have any suggestions as to where i could find one i would REALLY appreciate it! thanks :)

just had to post a few pictures

i hope you have a wonderful weekend

my heart swells

i love this girl more than words can express. my heart has been very tender the past several weeks as i miss wyatt more and more every day. it is amazing to me that i can have such deep sadness and joy simultaneously. i never would have thought this possible. i am ever so thankful for this little bundle...who as of last week has decided to start rolling over. she keeps me on my toes...a blessing i will never take for granted. i love you sweet girl!