February 18th

while it's just another day...it's also another marker i wish we were celebrating with our little boy. today he would be 18 months old. it is so hard to believe. i can't even begin to imagine what he would look like at this age. i can't decide if he would look more like ryan or myself. what i would give to see him....and hold him. i miss him so very much. but while my heart continues to ache for him, i am ever so thankful for the ways God has filled us up over the past year and a half. when i look back, i see His hands all over us. even when we felt so alone and isolated. He has never left our side. the other day at Bible study, we were discussing the way God uses or places people in our lives at certain times. i can without a doubt say that He has placed some of the most amazing people in our lives over the past year and a half. we have been loved and cared for unconditionally and i am forever thankful for this. i can't even begin to tell you the sacrifices people have made to take care of us. it has truly been a blessing. a blessing that God has given us and a blessing that these people were willing to be vessels of His love. i pray that He will allow me to be His hands and feet while i am here on this earth. that i can share His love and return what others have so graciously given to us. so, while today is a hard day, i am certainly filled with love and even a peace that i will see my little one again one day.