it's been a while...

life has been busy. which is a good thing right now, but it also wears me down and therefore, my emotions are right under the surface. As of the past few days, I have been shocked by the amount of grief and loss i feel. i know we are not far on this journey, but i feel as though i lost my son yesterday....except now the reality has sunk in and is hard to swallow. everyday remains a challenge. there are certainly more good days, but even on those good days there is a strong sense of loss. i think of wyatt constantly. i mean just about every minute of everyday. as i have said, the grief tends to come in waves for one reason or another. so i have faith that this will pass.
i have really had such a wonderful time with friends and family lately, but i have become painfully aware that our appearance of "being o.k." sends a confusing message. which i totally understand. grief is so different for all of us. there are times that ryan will tell me things that are hard for him that i had not even thought of. there are times i am sure i tell ryan things that are hard for me that he never would have thought of. for example, shopping :) this used to come so naturally, but i have to admit that it has been a hurdle i have had to make my way around. it seems so silly, but for so long i had envisioned myself hanging out with wyatt strolling through stores and enjoying ourselves, that it has been a true battle for me. there are so many everyday life things that have been unexpectedly difficult. things i never would have thought of i had not been placed here. and to be honest, i am still very sensitive to the loss of wyatt and not being able to watch him grow up or take care of him. i miss him very much. so thank you for your continued support and prayers. i truly appreciate them.