same

well, not much has been going on. the past week has been pretty good. still emotional, but also busy and productive which is good. i have found that this past week or so my good has been better and my bad has been worse. the grief never totally leaves, but comes in degrees and waves. right now, i am pretty neutral. not totally up or totally down. just in between and surviving...which is better than just down. someone once made an analogy about grief that makes total sense. she said that grief is like being in a room filled with people smoking (and you don't). after a while, you begin to get used to it. when you get out to catch your breath and breathe for a moment you remember how nice fresh air is. but when you have to go back in, the smoke feels much heavier and it feels more difficult to breathe. it feels much worse. as time goes on, you get to get out more and breathe more fresh air, but it gets harder and harder when you have to go back in. this is so true. i can get out of the smoke for a bit, but i always return....and when i do it is harder and harder to breathe even though the smoke has not changed. i have just had a moment to escape. i can't wait for the day to live "outside" a little longer. but i believe that God is faithful and it will come. there will always be rougher days, but i know God will restore us and allow us to breathe.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge

of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

2 Peter 1:3