power of prayer

Today I woke painfully aware that the holidays are approaching. I never expected this to stir up so much emotion, but it certainly has. The hurt is much deeper and I feel completely empty. I want nothing more than to have Wyatt here, celebrating with our families. While we were in the hospital, I would think of Christmas a lot. I would think of how anxious I was for it to get here. I just knew by that time, we would be home with our little boy. Everything would be calm and peaceful. I was ready to shop for him and wake up on Christmas morning and just hold him close. Instead, I wonder around empty handed with a heavy heart. Something is definitely missing and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. It nags at me with every passing minute. Instead of holding my little boy, I am planing on attending services and memorials to honor him. Who would of thought that I would not have my little one here...that I would be lighting candles and standing in services in remembrance. Ryan and I found out that were pregnant in December...we told our families of our little one on Christmas Eve. The pain is almost unbearable. I never thought we would be here...in this lonely place. Not for a minute. So I bow my head in prayer...knowing this is the only way I will survive this season...this season of life. While the hurt is constant and demanding, I will have to have hope. Just this morning I was reading about the power of prayer. God truly knows my heart...the book talked about how avoiding prayer creates anxiety, which in hand, causes us to avoid peace. I need to have an active and intimate prayer life. Satan knows that "prayerless lives are powerless lives, while prayful lives are powerful lives." Oh how I love this! I long for a powerful life! I also loved how Beth Moore talked about how our society minimizes difficulties because "it has no real answers." Isn't that the truth?! I know we want to brush things under the rug and keep moving...somethings are just too BIG. They will simply not fit...therefore, we must face them head on... We will only find peace through prayer. Beth Moore also says that, "we must walk with Christ step-by-step through this journey for the sake of protection, power, and a resulting unparalleled passion in our lives." "Prayer matters. The Spirit of God released through our prayers and the prayer of others turns cowards into conquerors, chaos into calm, cries into comfort." What peace I find in these words! So, I surrender myself...my life...and fall to my knees.

"Do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God.

And the peace of God,

which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

mail

Yea! I opened the mail today and surprise...I had more verses! What a treat!

I am reading a couple books right now...one is called Praying God's Word Day By Day by Beth Moore. A super dear friend gave it to me. Anyways, today I read that "If God has allowed something difficult to happen to one of His children, He plans to use it mightily, if the child lets Him." What a comforting thought! So remember this when something difficult happens in your life. I truly hope to be aware and let God use this situation mightily.

pure sweetness

Today has been a sweet day...a very busy day, but a day that has been full of moments of pure sweetness. I had several shoots today...I usually try to spread them out a little, but today I did not. So I am worn out. But, I have to say I was very happy to be outside today...it was beautiful. One of the little boys that I was taking pictures of told his mom that he prays for us every Sunday in Sunday School...I have had several sessions with their family and it just filled me with joy. His name is Wyatt as well...so we all know how special he is :) How sweet of a child to remember us in their prayers!

And on top of that, a friend just brought this mini cake over...isn't that sweet?! How special! I shed tears of joy! How sweet of a friend to be thinking of us and Wyatt on this day. He is so loved!

I have been thinking a lot about today...how Wyatt has been in Heaven for 2 months now. It is just amazing. I wonder where these last few months have gone. I remember all to well the night that Jesus welcomed Wyatt home. I remember praying and begging to God on our knees. Pleading for Him to carry him through one more surgery. I remember thinking everything was ok and that our lil' man had fought through yet another procedure...only to be told moments later that his sweet little body gave in. Those moments will haunt me forever.

I think days like today are similar to mile markers on a long journey. You certainly notice them, but they are small in comparison to the journey ahead. The further you get from home the more homesick you get. You are excited and anxious about your destination point, but know you are so very far from getting there. I certainly notice these mile markers, but know we are so far from our destination. And yes, I get more homesick day by day. Homesick for my son and for Heaven. And while I know we will get there one day, I am anxious and tired of the travel. I just have to keep "playing" the games and keeping myself busy along the way. I have to try to make the time pass a little faster.

I know that God was perfectly able to save Wyatt and pull him through...but He chose not to bring healing to Wyatt on this Earth. This does not anger me...Yes, I am heart broken, but not angry. I know deep down that God has a plan and He will be glorified through our sufferings.

So...Happy Two Months in Heaven my precious little boy! I love you!

in our Father's hands

Today I received the first verses for my canvas...what a sweet happiness they brought me! Thank you! I am going to keep them there...by Wyatt's sweet hands until it is time to put the canvas together.

Today has been a rather tough day. A day I cannot seem to catch my breathe. My body aches from the tears I have cried. They seem to pour like rain today. Strong and steady. Tomorrow Wyatt will have been in Heaven with our Father for two months. I feel as though he just left me. My heart aches so deeply for him.

Today I will have to draw strength from our Father. For I cannot carry this load alone.

"He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 41:29-31

Glory

Have I told you guys how blessed I feel to be surrounded by such wonderful friends and family?! Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this! My sweet sister sends me verses and texts EVERYDAY. Not to mention a handful of phone calls as well. I have a wonderful friend who checks in with me and plans little getaways...she'll even just come over to run errands and cook. And my sweet sister-in-law sends me messages and poems...which is where this one came from. I love it! And how TRUE. I can't wait to see my little boy and hold him tight! I think I will run STRAIGHT to him! Thank you girls for keeping up with me and for holding my hand when I need it most! I love all of you!

When I Finally Come to Glory

by Fran Morgan

I need a favor, Blessed Mother,

Could you help me with this please?

It's concerning your son, Jesus

So I'm praying on my knees.

When I finally come to Glory

And I see the Promised Land

I envision Jesus smiling,

Reaching out His loving hand.

He will be so glad to see me

When I finally arrive.

For I proclaim His name on earth

Each day that I'm alive.

He will want to keep His promise,

Bring me straight to Father God,

And to the Holy Spirit,

But, O Mother...this is hard.

For my child will be there cheering

As I come through Heaven's Gate.

And I know you know my heart's desire

And HOW LONG I'VE HAD TO WAIT!

I'm afraid that when I see my son

I'll forget the protocol,

And run to hold him in my arms,

Bypassing One and All!

We will smile and laugh together,

And dance around with glee!

To touch his curls, and kiss his face

Is what Heaven means to me.

So will you, Blessed Mother

Please explain me to your Son?

Because you have a mother's heart

You KNOW to whom I'll run.

Make it right with the Creator

And the Blessed Trinity,

I'm afraid I'll fly right past Them

When my golden son I see.

I don't want to shock the Angels

Or to scandalize the Saints,

Or to have my Day of Glory

Be the day all Heaven faints!

I have borne what God has sent me,

Praised and thanked Him through life's worst,

And, if Heaven is my just reward,

Let me see my baby FIRST.

Then I'll join the Angels singing

As I praise God with my boy

To be finally reunited

With my son... and God of joy!

work of heart

Ok… I don’t know exactly how I am going to pull this off…but I am going to get started. I have been thinking a lot about all of the verses that have been sent our way. Scripture that has been prayed for us or that has been laid on your heart. They all mean so much to me! I so desperately want to be able to look at all of them and remember where they came from. They are such encouragement especially on days I don’t even know where to begin. So, I have decided to create a canvas with all of the verses that you have felt led to send our way…we’ll call it a work of heart . I most definitely do not want anyone to go out in search of a verse, but if you come across one while you are reading that pulls at your heart and makes you think of us or Wyatt I want to ask you to write it on a piece of paper and mail it to me. I thought I would make it easier and just let everyone email them, but I want the canvas to be special and that means that your hand prints need to be all over it! Please don’t worry about sending it on fancy paper…just plain white computer paper is great. Also, I ask that you please sign your name under the verse so I can always remember who sent it. Thanks so much! I am really anxious to see how this turns out! I will keep you posted!

"All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

2 Timothy 3:16-17

hope

As I was opening my book to begin my Bible study for today, I read over a little of my last study… “We tend to run to God for temporary relief. God is looking for people who will walk with Him in steadfast belief. Choose to believe. Those who trust in Him will not be put to shame.” (Beth Moore) I am sure I read this just the other day, but today as I was reading it out of context it really struck me. And I know I am so guilty of this! I praise God when times are good and I seek Him when times are tough and the cycle continues…but, it is truly something different to seek Him and walk with Him in STEADFAST belief. I do believe in God…but at times I do not BELIEVE God. There are days when there is no light at the end of the tunnel…those are the days I believe in God, but do not BELIEVE God. I know that He will never give us more than we can handle. But, I am fully aware that He will give us more than we would ever want to handle.

I was crying to a friend the other day and she was telling me how truly sorry that she was and how she knows there are no words to heal our hurt…and she said it is hard to know what to say… that in so many hardships there is scripture you can turn to…scripture you can repeat quietly to yourself to get you through that situation….and that she was at a lack of where to turn. So, I will tell you. While there are days I wish I could be guaranteed or promised good in the near future, I know there are NO guarantees. But I do know there is hope. And right now, that will have to satisfy my soul. Today I am going to concentrate on Philippians 3:13-14 “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Now I will NEVER forget Wyatt…not even for a moment, but I will try my best not to be held captive by my grief. To remember and seek God’s will in my life. So while I have been given more than I ever would have wanted to handle, I do BELIEVE that God has a plan. A plan much bigger than I can fathom.

Psalm 70:5
Yet I am poor and needy;
come quickly to me, O God.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O Lord, do not delay.